“You’ll come back next year with your tail between your legs,” he wrote, which was a drastic thing to read from someone I didn’t know very well. Before I moved to Los Angeles, a random, old coworker got wind of it and emailed me, saying it was the stupidest decision I’d ever make. Projection: People might also undermine your choices if it reminds them of their own.Another study in the Journal of Applied Psychology looked at bottom line mentality: when a colleague is willing to do whatever it takes to succeed, including getting any competition out of the way. You might have a colleague, boss or supervisor that just acts hostile because they feel powerless. Competition: A study published at DePaul University pointed to abusive supervision, and it’s common in the workplace.Common assumption is that people undermine your decisions, goals, or success because they’re jealous. Once you’re sure you’re dealing with an underminer, it helps to understand why they’re doing it. My mum, for example, knows better than anyone just how sensitive I can be. But if I’m really unsure about something, I’ll ask an outsider. I was born with thin skin, so I tend to brush off most comments I think are undermining, chalking them up to my sensitivity. Of course, you want to make sure you’re not being sensitive. When you’re trying to save money, they tempt you to splurge. When you’re trying to stick to a diet, they urge you to eat unhealthy food. They tempt you: They steer you away from your goals by offering tempting alternatives.They overcompensate: They oversell themselves as supportive, nurturing, or caring.They’re great at backhanded compliments: Their compliments seem oddly insulting.They might disguise gossip and judgment as concern. ![]()
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